Walls

im so tired of this.

getting my hopes us..

then them fail. 

its horrible

why is it always like this.

why do i let my heart get like this

i try.

so hard.

but something happens and the walls come up

guess what world

the walls are up.

and its going to take an act of God for them to come down

because i dont want to let them down

no 

why should i let them down 

just to get hurt again.

id rather pull into myself

the tears come

but not for anyone anymore

the pain comes but 

ill keep it to myself.

im sorry

i just cant trust anyone anymore.

i need Jesus to do a miracle.

i need love

i need words

i need hope.

therein lies my answer.

but i cant find it.

and im searching so searching

but where is the hope

i know where it is.

i dont feel it

and i keep losing it.

i cant grasp it

LORD?

"in this world you will have troubles, but take heart i've overcome the world."

choices

Today has probably been one of the worst days of my life. Left my thumb drive in my car so i cant print my paper which makes me 2 letter grades down and its not even that great of a paper... made a c on a math test.. have a  c in  math, history, and science. and to mention that one christmas present i got now is completely ruined... and i spent alot of money on it. then my teachers yelled at me and im behind in photography have a 2 test i forgot about and yes. not a good day. now i am not telling you this because i want you to feel bad for me or whatever. cause i dont mostly its my fault but i still cried. ive cried like 3 times and i sit her thinking about the should haves

i should have started my project earlier

i should have taken pictures

i should have studied

i should have done this 

i should have done that

 

but that is the past i cant change that

i cant change the stupid decisions i made

what i can change is my attitude now because Satan loves it when i am upset. Satan loves it when my attitude becomes sour. no i am bigger than him. i am stronger than him. only by the Blood of the Lamb am i stronger than that devil! so i have a choice now

will i be mad at my teacher or will i rejoice in the fact that i have a wonderful Savior

will i cry or will i laugh

will i frown or will i smile

will i hate or will i love

will i be the world or will i rise above it

even though i feel like crap i choose to be joyful..

considering the circumstances this is when God does the most.

LORD I'M READY:)

HOPE

let hope rise

and darkness surrender 

to your holy light

Jesus our God

great and mighty to be praised

hope is rising

i feel it.

its shaking within me

there is a hope stiring

burning 

inside of me

i cant contain it

i dont want to contain it

it must spread

it has to spread

it needs to spread

my generation needs this fire

it wants it

i want to give it to them

it is my job

my calling

my heart

my desire

what is this fire

what is the hope

its Christ in me

nothing can change it

take its place 

or alter it

it the cross

it the blood

its the prince of peace

its the alpha and omega

the beginning and the end

the Father

the Son

the Love

the hope

my hope