Walls

im so tired of this.

getting my hopes us..

then them fail. 

its horrible

why is it always like this.

why do i let my heart get like this

i try.

so hard.

but something happens and the walls come up

guess what world

the walls are up.

and its going to take an act of God for them to come down

because i dont want to let them down

no 

why should i let them down 

just to get hurt again.

id rather pull into myself

the tears come

but not for anyone anymore

the pain comes but 

ill keep it to myself.

im sorry

i just cant trust anyone anymore.

i need Jesus to do a miracle.

i need love

i need words

i need hope.

therein lies my answer.

but i cant find it.

and im searching so searching

but where is the hope

i know where it is.

i dont feel it

and i keep losing it.

i cant grasp it

LORD?

"in this world you will have troubles, but take heart i've overcome the world."

choices

Today has probably been one of the worst days of my life. Left my thumb drive in my car so i cant print my paper which makes me 2 letter grades down and its not even that great of a paper... made a c on a math test.. have a  c in  math, history, and science. and to mention that one christmas present i got now is completely ruined... and i spent alot of money on it. then my teachers yelled at me and im behind in photography have a 2 test i forgot about and yes. not a good day. now i am not telling you this because i want you to feel bad for me or whatever. cause i dont mostly its my fault but i still cried. ive cried like 3 times and i sit her thinking about the should haves

i should have started my project earlier

i should have taken pictures

i should have studied

i should have done this 

i should have done that

 

but that is the past i cant change that

i cant change the stupid decisions i made

what i can change is my attitude now because Satan loves it when i am upset. Satan loves it when my attitude becomes sour. no i am bigger than him. i am stronger than him. only by the Blood of the Lamb am i stronger than that devil! so i have a choice now

will i be mad at my teacher or will i rejoice in the fact that i have a wonderful Savior

will i cry or will i laugh

will i frown or will i smile

will i hate or will i love

will i be the world or will i rise above it

even though i feel like crap i choose to be joyful..

considering the circumstances this is when God does the most.

LORD I'M READY:)

HOPE

let hope rise

and darkness surrender 

to your holy light

Jesus our God

great and mighty to be praised

hope is rising

i feel it.

its shaking within me

there is a hope stiring

burning 

inside of me

i cant contain it

i dont want to contain it

it must spread

it has to spread

it needs to spread

my generation needs this fire

it wants it

i want to give it to them

it is my job

my calling

my heart

my desire

what is this fire

what is the hope

its Christ in me

nothing can change it

take its place 

or alter it

it the cross

it the blood

its the prince of peace

its the alpha and omega

the beginning and the end

the Father

the Son

the Love

the hope

my hope

Father

I was the Father that cheered for you when your earthy father didn't show 

        up to your competition.

I was the Father that sat net to you at every Thanksgiving dinner when your

       earthly father stayed behind to work.

I was the Father who tucked you in and gave you a goodnight kiss when

        your earthly father was spending the night with another woman.

I was the Father who wished you happy birthday when your earthly father 

        forgot to tell you.

I was the Father who joked with you at dinner while your earthly father 

      worked extra late.

I was the Father who took you to school on your first day when your 

       earthly father didn't have time to.

I was the Father who sat down and watched movies with you 

      while your earthly father made money instead of spending quality time.

I was the Father who cuddled with you when you cried when your earthy 

      father got upset when you cried.

I was the Father that called you beautiful when your earthly father called  

     you fat.

I was the Father who loved you when your earthly father didn't.

a love

i just want a hand to hold

a heart to love 

and an arm to hug

a smile to share

a heart to care

a love unfold

i want an eye to wink

a look to sneak

and a joy complete

in all these things 

i want them with you

the only thing is 

i want them true

haha just something on my heart... no reason for it :)

Narnia

I'm sitting in bed with my two best friends at the beach and we are watching chronicles of narnia.
I cant help but see my life in this movie, with the four different characters.

in so many ways i'm like peter and let the pride and leadership things take control. it blindsights me. what i say goes and its just silly. but its part of it.

in many other ways i become like susan and become so logical and legalistic. my thoughts turn to facts rather than faith and i begin to doubt.

but then i am so much like edmund and am willing to sell things out for something good. something better. im willing to sacrifice someone else to save my life. i only look out of me and not for the good of others.

and lastly in so many ways i am like lucy. the child like faith takes me to beautiful places. it gives me joy and peace. i am cute and funloving but just love on other people. the love i have for them and other things shines brightley in the way i walk in talk.

but no matter what character i am
today
tomorrow
or yesterday
i still need an aslan
my aslan that will go to the stone table for me
i couldnt live my life without him
and without his perfect sacrifice i would have died.
without that perfect sacrifice
he couldnt have befundled the white witch
and saved my life from death.
without him i would have lost the battle.
without him i wouldnt have learned to love

election

i love my Jesus

whether obama or mccain is in office

i trust my Jesus

whether or not the president is muslim

i trust my God 

because His Word is life and truth

it never fails

the things of this world now are just coming true

its about time.

MY God spoke of this

and what he says is true

but i will lean on Him because he is rock

a shield 

a fortress

dont become blind by your own indifference 

or ignorance 

or stupidity.

no man can shake the foundations of my God

no law can stop the freedom in my heart.

no jail or money amount or anything can stop the joy i feel inside

its because of Jesus

America its time to face the facts.

Where is the trust we pledge everyday

where is the hope we speak of

we dont live up to it.

the trust in the Most High will save us

but realize God is a mystery

just because you didnt get your way

does not mean He is not working

He is ALWAYS working

there is a plan not just for you 

but for our country

everything is for His Glory

so stand america!

be strong

trust in God

because we are One Nation under One God

nothing like that changes.

so i will stand

with the Strength of my God

praise you forever and ever

missed opportunitys

so  yesterday i headed downtown and took some pictures with some amazing people... but i ran into this lady who probably changed my life forever... her name was brenda.. i was so compelled to stop i did and just got to know here a little bit. she was so cute and so sweet. she asked me for money because she was homeless and hungry. she hadnt had a job in 3 weeks and had been living on the streets.. some teeth were missing but my heart went out to her... i had no money so i offered to pray for her... right in the middle of downtown birmingham. i pray for a little while... not a baptist prayer just a prayer that was on my heart. but the thing is i met with God. for a split second. i met face to face with an opportunity to meet God and i grabbed at it. 

about 30 hours later my mom is late coming home and i want to go to church.... i get so frustrated that she is an hour late that i fly down the interstate. fly like 100 ish my sole focus was to get to church on time for a prayer meeting... i was already late so i was gonna have to come in late and the frustration built and built and built.. i get to church and sit down and im convicted like crazy. its like i hear God telling me... YOU MISSED ME. I COULD HAVE SHOWED YOU SOMETHING GREAT AND CRAZY AND LOVED ON YOU IN YOUR FRUSTRATION WHEN IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF US BUT YOU MISSED ME.  and my mind began to think alot. i missed an opportunity to meet face to face with my Creator. i missed out on it. i cant believe that. how many times do i walk down the hallway and miss an opportunity. when i see someone crying and i pass by... where is the compassion. thats how i meet God face to face taking the missed opportunities the people before you didnt take. now its not all about who takes them. its the fact that they are getting taken. but why would i want to miss out on an opportunity to love on God to meet with him. to talk about him or with him. why? is my world so much better than his love.

HECK NO

so now... every missed opportunity from the person in front of me is just another opportunity God is graciously giving me..

what the world says i need

a friend of mine suggested to do this if i was bored...  google type in your name and needs and see what pops up here goes:

vivian needs:

our thoughts and prayers

some jesus

to start dancing more

your support

to shut up now

help

your votes

a heart transplant

to return to Austrailia

who is google to tell me what i need

who is this world to show me how to live

who are you to judge me

One person is all i need 

One person shows me how to live

One person will judge me

so why do i base my life on the thoughts of others

the actions

the words and whispers

what about the true One's voice that matters

What the world has to say is awful... 

shut up

go back to where you came from 

you need help 

your heart is bad

The One who comforts us doesnt say that

He says i love you

talk to me

come to me

Let me help you

i love your heart

who would i rather listen too... 

the One who speaks life

the One who comforts 

the One who lets me belong

the One who loves me

for me

as i am

nothing more

Wonder

i wonder what its like

to see the world through Your eyes

to know Your every thought 

to hear Your heartbeat

will You show me

will You tell me

it would be beautiful

i know You are beautiful

i see You in the trees 

flowers

faces

i hear You in the wind

the waves

the birds

i feel You in the love

the hugs 

the warm and cold

i experience You in the light

the dark

the quiet and the loud

show me Your face

a glimpse is what i long for

is that selfish

maybe not

maybe so

sing to me

You have a beautiful voice

o would You sing please!

and my heart joy

i would dance forever 

in the presence of Your voice

without Your voice 

i will dance

will You dance with me

will You lead me

of course You will

will i follow

i desire too

will You hug me 

cuddle with me

smile when  i say Your name

will You laugh at me 

and help me when i fall

of course You will

and i'm in wonder of it all

friends

proverbs 17:17  a friend loves at all times

in all your hardest times. its the friends that love you that will stay by your side

School

I sit here in class wondering about my fellow students..

i hear about people going to jail

about the parties

drugs

sex

all of it..

i wonder...

letting my thought stray never really works

it takes me to the past

a past i try to forget

but why should i

it shaped me and made me

it scares me

i could easily fall

the part of me that is weakest is where i fear ill mess up again

what is this 

where is this taking me.. 

a new ministry

an old one

the girls that need help 

need my past

why 

why does God work this way

will it stop

does the pain 

fear

expectations

Lord help

the confusion overwhelms me

the tears don't stop

i guess i just leave room

a miracle

a healing

a hope

a joy

a love

a peace

a ministry

not just for me 

for my girls

for my friends

for the students of VHHS

GLO

Healing

a fix of the brokenness with your body, mind, or spirit.

what do you take from the healing.

a memory

a pain

a happiness

all in God's hands.

most of all a love... 

a love conquered by ways people will never understand.

a healing is an understanding of what God does

a glimpse of the love He has for us

it can happen in an instant

it could take a month

it could take a year

either way. praise Him

forever

and ever

He will be glorified

medication

docotors

physologist

nothing but the will of God can heal you

a lesson

learned

cherised

remembered

everything 

use what He has healed you with

to heal the nations

to speak to the broken

to give hope

to show His love

be a vessel...

El Shaddai